International Six Sigma Institute and Secret Society for Imperious Professionals of Process Improvement
Instant Lean Six Sigma Certification
Thanks to cutting-edge neuroscience and internet-enabled brain scans, ISSISSIPPI delivers instant, iron-clad Lean Six Sigma certification—no studying, no projects, no problem!
April 1, 2012 | Columbus, OhioThe International Six Sigma Institute and Secret Society for Imperious Professionals of Process Improvement (ISSISSIPPI) has once again revolutionized the world of professional certification. Leveraging groundbreaking advances in neuroscience and internet technology, we are proud to introduce the first-ever instant Lean Six Sigma certification process—no exams, no projects, and no time wasted.
Using a proprietary internet-enabled computer brain scan, ISSISSIPPI's system directly assesses your Lean Six Sigma knowledge, experience, and capacity for nonsense. This non-invasive and painless process takes just a few seconds and can be completed from anywhere in the world. Whether you're in a corporate boardroom, a drive-thru line, or lounging in your finest bathrobe, your certification is just a click away.
Unlike traditional certifications, which require weeks of coursework, tedious projects, and expensive exams, ISSISSIPPI's method is 100% objective. There's no human bias, no ambiguous questions, and no chance of failure. If the scan detects any trace of process improvement knowledge in your neural pathways—or just the ability to click the button—you qualify.
And best of all, it's FREE!
I spent years studying for my Green Belt, then ISSISSIPPI released this brain scan. I clicked the button, and three seconds later, I was a Chartreuse Belt with Honors! I still don't know what a fishbone diagram is, but my career has never been better. The matching shoes and handbag were just the icing on the cake.
— Pat “Process” Patterson, Senior Efficiency Guru
Once certified, your credentials are stored in our proprietary blockchain-based certification ledger, ensuring lifelong validity—finally, a certification that employers can trust (or at least one they can't argue with). Say goodbye to endless nights of studying and memorizing DMAIC acronyms; if the knowledge is already in your brain, our scan will find it. And to make it official, you'll receive an elegant (loosely defined) high-resolution certificate, perfect for framing, social media flexing, or last-minute resume padding.
Click the Button Below to Start Your Brain Scan
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COMING SOON
- Instant Agile Mastery: Get certified in Agile, Scrum, and Kanban without ever sitting through a stand-up meeting.
- Advanced Data Science: Machine learning? Predictive analytics? If you've ever used Excel, you're probably qualified.
- Certified Expert in Dessert Pairings: Discover your A La Mode potential and receive your Tiramisu Belt in seconds.
- Certified Expert in Everything: No need to specialize, this all-in-one certification instantly verifies your vast (or vaguely existing) knowledge on any subject.
