International Six Sigma Institute and Secret Society for Imperious Professionals of Process Improvement
ISSISSIPPI Unveils Constrix™: The Slimming Solution for Unsightly Data
Tired of big-boned data? Pesky long tails ruining your process capability? Get instant results with Constrix™ — no actual improvement required!
Columbus, Ohio | April 1, 2015 — The International Six Sigma Institute and Secret Society for Imperious Professionals of Process Improvement (ISSISSIPPI) has once again revolutionized the world of process improvement with its latest innovation: Constrix™ Process Shapewear. Inspired by the transformative power of human shapewear, Constrix applies similar technology to reshape data distributions instantly, helping organizations rein in those unruly process dunlops, stubborn long tails, and big-boned metrics that extend well beyond reasonable specifications.
ISSISSIPPI President Zoltan Minsky described the launch as a turning point in the field: "This technology finally allows organizations to improve process capability instantaneously. It's really the holy grail of process improvement—all of the gain with hardly any pain."
Unlike traditional process improvement methodologies, which require actual effort and fundamental changes, Constrix does not reduce the number of observations in a sample—it simply reshapes the values to conform neatly with customer expectations.
"It's really a very simple concept," Minsky continued. "The algorithm only alters the outward appearance of a process, without changing the real stuff. Real process improvement is nice, sure—but it can take forever. We're here to help organizations meet their most pressing needs, like an upcoming audit, a tollgate review, or an important presentation to regulators. Constrix is the perfect solution."
Our clients continually express a need for quicker fixes. They tell us that process improvement is hard, and they're under constant pressure to show results. The short-term discomfort of Constrix shapewear is far easier to endure than the work required to actually fix a bad process. Besides, as my mother always said, 'If you want to be beautiful, you have to suffer a little.'
— Kathleen Mueller, ISSISSIPPI's Director of European Operations
Kathleen added an important note for those looking to maximize the benefits of Constrix™: "One tip I can share based on early customer feedback: be sure to select Constrix's full coverage option—otherwise, you risk the dreaded 'muffin top' effect of stopping the control too soon."
With Constrix™, Lean Six Sigma professionals can now enjoy the appearance of process excellence without all the hassle of actually achieving it. Tired of out-of-spec defects? No problem—just squeeze them into the Constrix™ model and watch your capability indices soar!
ISSISSIPPI remains committed to pioneering innovative, time-saving solutions that put results where they matter most—on the PowerPoint slides.
