International Six Sigma Institute and Secret Society for Imperious Professionals of Process Improvement
ISSISSIPPI Announces Interplanetary Accreditation
The Stellar-est Lean Six Sigma Credential. The Best. Ever. Anywhere. Now Recognized Across the Cosmos.
April 1, 2017 | Columbus, Ohio — The world leader in process improvement and advanced analytics, ISSISSIPPI, is proud to announce an unprecedented expansion of its influence beyond Earth. Following an exhaustive process of rigorous validation studies (and an extremely reasonable accreditation fee), ISSISSIPPI's Lean Six Sigma certification by brain scan has now been officially accredited by ICSSA, the Intergalactic Council for Six Sigma Accreditation.
“This is a game-changer,” said ISSISSIPPI President Zoltan Minsky. “For years, we've known our certifications were the best on this planet. Now? Now they're the best in the universe. That's right—Lean Six Sigma, but make it intergalactic. We're talking universal recognition, faster than light.”
With the upcoming surge in space tourism, lunar colonies, and speculative Martian resorts, ISSISSIPPI sought to ensure that its certification process remained relevant—even beyond Earth's atmosphere. After extensive discussions, ICSSA, which includes representation from multiple galactic systems (and at least one unidentified space anomaly), agreed that ISSISSIPPI's brain-scan certification process was indeed the fastest, most efficient, and least effort-intensive method of skill validation in Lean Six Sigma history.
The ICSSA was initially skeptical. But, once we explained our no-project-required methodology and they saw the data—well, mostly the accreditation fee—they came around. Turns out, advanced civilizations also appreciate a good value. And good science always wins in the end.
— Zoltan Minsky, ISSISSIPPI President
ISSISSIPPI remains committed to the principles of Lean, ensuring that its certification process eliminates waste—specifically, the waste of time, effort, and actual learning. Its cutting-edge brain scan technology has been praised for its ease of use, requiring only a few seconds and an open internet browser to achieve full certification.
Now, thanks to ICSSA's endorsement, ISSISSIPPI Black Belts, Green Belts, and intergalactic Lean Masters can rest assured that their credentials will be recognized anywhere in the cosmos—from boardrooms in Boston to business colonies on Europa.
"I don't want to say this is the single greatest advancement in Six Sigma history,” Minsky added. “But it might be. I mean, has anyone else done interplanetary accreditation? No. No, they have not. ISSISSIPPI is leading the way. The best. Believe me."
For those who haven't yet taken advantage of this zero-cost, zero-hassle, universal recognition opportunity, certification is still available for free here.
With ISSISSIPPI's influence now secured across the known universe, Minsky hinted at future innovations. “We're already in talks with the Multiversal Six Sigma Oversight Committee (MSSOC) for even broader recognition. If parallel universes exist, we want to be the first to certify them.”
Stay tuned for updates as ISSISSIPPI continues to push the boundaries of space, science, and satire.
