International Six Sigma Institute and Secret Society for Imperious Professionals of Process Improvement
Our Mission
At ISSISSIPPI, we exist at the cutting edge of process optimization pseudoscience, blending questionable AI models, proprietary statistical alchemy, and deeply authoritative-looking flowcharts to certify the most elite of Lean Six Sigma professionals.
Our Philosophy
Our goal is to harness the power of overcomplicated algorithms, obscure statistical principles, and the sheer force of our own self-importance to provide the world's most undeniably legitimate skill assessments. By leveraging multi-dimensional hyper-sigma analytics (a term we just coined), we ensure that certification can be achieved with little or no time, effort, or verifiable proof of competency.
With this approach, we confidently expect to become the uncontested global authority on Lean Six Sigma credentials—or at least sound impressive enough that nobody questions it.
Featured Free Products
At ISSISSIPPI, we believe that true process improvement should be free, effortless, and possibly even automatic. That's why we offer a range of completely cost-free, highly theoretical tools to help you optimize your workflows—whether you understand them or not.
Certification By Brain Scan
The ISSISSIPPI brain scan is the result of groundbreaking science. It allows us to directly, objectively, and instantly assess your Lean Six Sigma skills via the internet.
Scan Now
MoreSounds for Courses
Enhance your eLearning Training courses with themed audio voice-overs. Improve your improvement training sessions by listening to course materials cheered on by your own personal sports announcer or read by your mother.
Hear the Samples
Making Modern Modes
As Dark Mode continues to gain in popularity, we're proud to introduce the next wave of screen-display options. Check out our new collection of Modern Modes to find the one that's perfect for you.
See the Details
Jidoka Automated Assistant
Take ultimate control of your daily life with this new smart device for home and office use. Identify a problem. Stop it. Fix it. Move on.
Watch Now
Bigger Data
Developed for analysts with tiny datasets, this groundbreaking tool lets you Biggify any number. No skills required—just type, click, and wow your boss with significantly larger numbers.
Get Bigger Data
Certification Activity Book
Developed for all Lean Six Sigma professional posers and wannabes, expedite your certification with this pretend project workbook. Get a crayon and get started.
Download Now
Disclaimer: All tools are provided as-is, with no warranty of effectiveness. Side effects may include overconfidence, spontaneous use of jargon, and an inflated sense of process superiority.
Reviews From Our Satisfied Customers
"Before coming to ISSISSIPPI, I had to actually analyze my data. Now, it does it for me, and I just nod knowingly in meetings."
- Senior Process Manager
Over-Optimized, Inc.
"I don't understand how it works, but I'm legally required to follow its guidance."
- Project Manager
Very Efficient LLC
"Our defect rate went from 4.2% to 0% overnight! (We just deleted our defect reports, but still, amazing!)"
- Operations Director
Trust Us Enterprises
Latest News
At ISSISSIPPI, we're committed to keeping you informed about groundbreaking developments in the world of process improvement—whether they matter or not. From cutting-edge advancements in fictional methodologies to completely unverified industry rumors, our news section is your go-to source for staying one step ahead (or at least convincingly pretending to).
ISSISSIPPI Releases The Power of Seven
April, 01 2024
We're All Ears for ISSISSIPPI's Latest Audio Enhancement
April, 01 2023
Get Control of Your Day with Jidoka Automated Assistant
April 01, 2022
Making Modern Modes Mean More
April 01, 2020
ISSISSIPPI.org Develops Fyre Scale for Poor Quality
April 01, 2019
New Study Links Specific Typeface Choices to Learning Effectiveness
April 01, 2018
ISSISSIPPI Announces Interplanetary Accreditation
April 01, 2017
ISSISSIPPI Announces 2016 Thales Award Winner
April 01, 2016
ISSISSIPPI Announces Process Shapewear
April 01, 2015
ISSISSIPPI Offers Free Big Data Tool
April 01, 2014
Instant Lean Six Sigma Certification
April 01, 2012
ISSISSIPPI Converts to Free Training, Delivered via Tablet
April 01, 2011
Lean Six Sigma Certification Activity Book
April 01, 2010
Introducing Lean Six Sigma Pirate Training
April 01, 2009
Success Stories
We would love to showcase real-world applications of our revolutionary methodologies. However, due to the extreme sensitivity of the results (and our general lack of data), we are unable to provide any specific examples.
But trust us.
Our technology has allegedly transformed countless organizations, streamlining processes in ways that cannot be publicly verified. If that's not enough proof, consider this: 95% of professionals surveyed said our methods were 'game-changing' (survey conducted internally, sample size: 3).
We remain committed to pushing the boundaries of what people are willing to believe when it comes to process improvement.